…that on September 10th, 2008 we had a positive pregnancy test? Did you know that on September 17 we were sitting in the office staring at the baby wall waiting to once more be diagnosed with a miscarriage? Did you know that on September 17th we saw Kennedy for the first time? She was the smallest little dot. Not even a flicker. I was 4 weeks pregnant and we needed everyone to pray. Did you know that on October 6th we were back staring at the baby wall waiting to be diagnosed with a miscarriage. Just my mom and I sitting there with tears in our eyes, trying to be brave, but praying as hard as we had ever prayed on the inside. Did you know that on October 6th we saw Kennedy’s heartbeat for the first time. It was small and slow, but our “dot” was a little bigger and actually a little flicker. Did you know that on October 20th we went in and sat in front of the baby wall with hopes and dreams that maybe, just maybe, that our baby would be on that wall. Did you know that on October 20th our baby had a heartbeat, a brain, and she even looked kind of human like? Did you know that today on September 30th, 2009 my baby is on that baby wall. My baby is here breathing and very much alive on September 30th, 2009. I am so thankful every day for my beautiful little angel. It was such a long hard road, but we are here. Parenthood. It is just great! I don’t know that anyone ever truely recovers from losing babies at any stage in the game. I know I won’t. I still have a chip on my shoulder when I hear about teenagers getting pregnant, or newlyweds accidently getting pregnant, or even people that get pregnant the first try. I will never look at the “baby wall” with joy and hope and celebration. The “baby wall” will forever remind me of the feelings of dread and dispair that I so often felt in 2008. I will never hear the words “habitual aborter” without getting a little teary eyed. But if it weren’t for all those miscarriages Kennedy wouldn’t be here today. She is my fighter and my miracle and will forever be my heart. I love you Kennedy Jaye!

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